God has been digging up some very deep roots the last couple months of my life concerning physical beauty. I didn’t realize how deep these roots of deceit were. I thought these issues were merely a few weeds and had been pulled up and chucked about 2 years ago. I was wrong.
For starters it is extremely difficult for women today not to become obsessed with their outer appearance when the world is constantly telling us that this is what we are supposed to spend all of our money and time “improving”. As women we have been given a desire to feel beautiful but we have distorted this desire by overspending, over exercising, and over analyzing. I could not be found more guilty of this abuse. Yep, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Anyone feeling me?
These are some of the pressures I felt...
In high school was when this pressure was the heaviest. I was a big fan of Grey's Anatomy and People magazine. Through the media and my peers I had developed this standard. I had to have the high-end, department store, name brand makeup, full head of highlights (that would cost me an average of $140 every 5 weeks and I religiously stuck to that time frame), and the name brand clothes (Target and Old Navy just didn't cut it). I had developed this image as the cute blond girl who could “work” an outfit. And then their were formals. You have to get the dress (usually the one that showed the most skin), the shoes, the hair (extensions were all the rage) the makeup, the mani and pedi, AND the tan. Can we seriously talk about tanning for a sec?! Sophomore year I became a fan of the airbrush (airbrush=no cancer). At first I would wear my swimsuit while the lady sprayed me but then as I became more comfortable, I would just wear a thong. I remember her talking about other girls bodies that she sprayed and compared them to mine. She told me I had a good butt, nice abs and just needed a boob job. My mother doesn’t even know that. From that day on I was planning on saving up to get a boob job before college. Vowing that I would NEVER ever wear a sports bra. And then spending WAY too much money on expensive padded bras-my favorite was a water bra. I eventually got into the tanning bed thing. UV lights can truly become addicting. That was my senior year, the same time I was on accutane. That’s a deathly combination if you didn’t know. “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” –Romans 12:2
Deep roots.
My hair has been every color of the rainbow. My hair was platinum blond all through high school but when I came to college as God began to transform my heart, He showed me that I found so much of my identity in my hair color. In response I dyed it dark brown. Then this last summer I decided to begin the process back to my natural so I could get a less extreme version of blond highlights over that (I've always had this extensive plan for my hair). Well I have been natural for about three months but kind of want some highlights now and so I’m asking God about it, for the first time. And He has challenged me with these questions: Why can’t I be okay with the natural hair color He has given me? Can’t I see that I haven’t ever been satisfied when I have changed my hair color before? I don’t really have the money. The truth is when I examine my heart, I want my hair to be blonder so I can turn more guys heads. Is that my goal? Do I want that to be my focus when I’m walking to class? (Disclaimer: I don’t believe highlights are wrong in and of themselves but if they are causing you to focus on yourself more than your Savior (like me) they become an issue.) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”-Hebrews 12:1
God, in His grace, continued to dig…
I’ve previously talked about my experience as a Pine Cove counselor (go read that blog if you haven’t :)). Part of the challenge for me was not wearing makeup. A challenge that I was excited about but didn’t realize how hard it would really be. I found myself wanting to go put on makeup when I was struggling with a camper or another counselor or a spiritual issue. It would make me feel a little better. I found rest there. After digesting my camp experience it was very clear to me that I had not completely dealt with this beauty root. “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him”. –Psalm 62:1
Here’s another BIG root for ya….
I’ve had issues with my skin since fourth grade. Not even exaggerating. Fourth grade-first time I went to the dermatologist. I’ve used every cream and taken every pill out there. My senior year of high school I took accutane and I had very successful results from it. It wasn’t until the end of last semester when my skin began to break out very badly, the first time since I had been on accutane. I began to go to a dermatologist in College Station and immediately told her that I wanted to do accutane again. She told me that she didn’t think I really needed something that strong and that my risks of future liver damage would increase, since I had done it before. She wouldn’t let me start it until this semester because I needed to be in town. A week before I was supposed to start it I began to feel very uneasy about my decision. I felt distant from God in my quiet times. My roommate had been hinting that this might not be the best decision. I filled my prescription. The next day I went home for the weekend and it came up at dinner. I had previously just talked to my mom about it, assuming my dad would be fine with it too. Well, they were not on the same page and after dinner my dad showed me articles of patients who filed lawsuits against this prescription because of the severe health problems they have now. The original form of this medicine is actually banned form being sold in the US. The guilt was overtaking me and I knew I had to be obedient. God showed me a way out and I took it, finally. I was thankful later for my roommate who challenged me with the question, “Why do you think God gave you the skin He did?” Well dang, I’ve been asking that my whole life! Then I thought, leprosy. The story in Luke 17 of Jesus healing 10 lepers but only one of them comes back to thank Jesus for this miracle. Jesus responds that his faith has made him well. My whole life I’ve turned from one drug to the next to heal my skin and complaining about it all along but this time I chose righteousness instead of believing the lie, once again, that this medicine would heal me. It’s crazy but ever since, my skin has been extremely clear and I’m just praising God for that blessing. I’m not sure how long it will last but I am convinced that the only medicine I need is faith given by the true healer. This, I believe, is what God wanted me to learn. “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”. -Proverbs 31:30
Through this painful uprooting the Lord has urgently impressed upon me that everything is spiritual (deep, right?). The world will not know that I no longer live if I look like the world. This is a hard truth. Good things that I've distorted. Sins that I’ve identified myself with for so long but God is graciously opening my eyes. As women I don’t think we will ever stop being tempted with “products” that promise to make us more beautiful. I don’t think we will ever have a perfect perspective on beauty until heaven. Until we meet the creator of beauty. But I do know that God wants to continue to refine us while we are on earth. To transform our thoughts so we will have the strength to live counter cultural. To allow ourselves to feel ugly so we will know are creator more intimately. So turn off the TV, put down the magazines and open the Word and allow your mind to be permeated with TRUTH because the world needs to know that He’s REAL and He wants to use us.
p.s. I began running (more about that up next) about 2 years ago and fell in LOVE with sports bras :)
